I went to the doctor the other day for a physical and after he ran all the tests (even the ridiculous ones where he hits you with the hammer on the knee, reflex test my ass, they just like hitting people with pointy hammers.) Anyways he sat me down in my little paper robe. On the butcher block, why is there a role of paper that he can just tear off like a meat packing plant, Why does he need to change it so fast he had to rip the old one away, was there blood and semen on there before I got there. So after I was all set he said I have some bad news for you, He told me I had cooties. He said I apparently contracted them between 2nd and 5th grade, and they just laid dormant until recently. I didn't know what to say, and he told me that while dormant it was still possible to spread cooties, so I would need to contact everyone I had kissed from Elementry School on. That was the hardest phone call I have ever had to make, even harder than that one time I had to call that guy about the crabs. Anyways I fuffilled my responsabilities and now I am taking an experemental drug for treatment. It's called Cootox, and it's really all about staying one step ahead of the cooties, but the doctor has given me hope that I may continue living healthly, healththly, healthfully, anyways living well for at least say 900 more years. You can send your cards and money to: "Jon Hawkins laziness for a cure"
548 Main St.
Bressler PA 17113
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