Service with a smile, a deadly, deadly smile

Today I was fortunate enough to recieve an E-mail or Electronic Mail for all you not hip to the computer jibber jabber (yes I assume you have reached my blog by randomly banging objects against the monitor and keyboard until the screen changes) from my sister. No this isn't a blog about me loving my sister or feeling sentimental, No, she sent me a picture of a place called the "Ninja Cafe". WOW, THE ninja Cafe. she unfortunately didn't go in, but that leaves the interior to my wild and perverse imagination. As I see it, there is two ways that this cafe could opperate. The first suggested by my sister in her "E-mail" was that the wait-staff would be dressed as ninjas. Backflipping to your table or throwing menus and napkins across the room like throwing stars to come to rest in front of you. That is one place were you don't stiff the waiter with the bill, hell you better leave a good tip, or you will probably be followed home and abducted under the cover of darkness. While I like this idea a lot, I think the 2nd option also has merrit too. Maybe this a cafe designed for the use of ninjas. After a hard day of Ninjaing (the present tense of the verb To Ninja: litterally meaning to kick serious ass) it would great to have a place to kick back, remove your dark cowl and just talk with a few of the fellas. Somewhere to let your numbchucks down and just get away from the day in day out daily ninja grind. I like to think of a nice room with comfy chairs occupied by off duty ninjas, that is comforting thought. I wonder if they can take little ninja naps there too. So either way if you are ever in Annapolis Maryland make sure you see the Ninja Cafe. but maybe you shouldn't go in, you don't want to piss of and off-duty ninja.

As seen on TV

I was watching some fine quality programming on Cartoon Network (cartoons if you must know) and as per usual my very worth while time was wasted when my cartoon was interupted by commercials. But one of these commercials was to produce something so stupid (yes more stupider then the episode of camp lazlo I was watching) that it would force my hand. well not really force it, but push it towards the keyboard and watch sternly as I typed. The advertisement in question was one for the Ionic Breeze Quadra. Ah yes that magical machine that can make a dirty house smell slightly cleaner. Well during this commercial, Sharper Image made claim that the Ionic Breeze could change ozone and harmful chemicals into pure oxygen! wow just let that one soak in. Uh huh if you want to baste a little that would be a good idea. Ok marinated now? Good, Pure oxygen huh? A bit flammble maybe? Possibly a tad dangerous to the pets, the kids, or just about anything that normally functions in our atmosphere. That's right for 5 easy payments of 69.95 you can turn your house into the most posionous one to ever burn down in your area. Hey this little bit of ridiculousness has sparked my memory and caused the anger to burn up another huge mistake in the infomercial world. Does anyone else remember the Cold Heat Soldering gun (or soddering gun in American). That little slice of heaven was advertised as a mystical piece of technology that could heat up to temperatures hot enough to melt solder, but then cool enough to be touched with in seconds, and to prove this they showed them working on a project with the cold heat along with a very classy graphic of a themometer reading. The Themometer read 400 degrees when it was activated and actively melting the metal, but when it was turned off the temperature dropped to a stunning 0 degrees, WOW! that's right one second it can melt metal, and the next it can freeze water. You might not burn yourself with it, but you can give your friends some awesome frostbite. I would have imagined it would have returned to a room temperature. BUT and there is a Butt, (yeah that's right that just happened) the professionals at Cold Heat amended their mistake and made it say 68 degrees. Thankfully not enough to cause a spark and engulf your sweet smelling pure oxygen home.

I think Swiss cheese is a rip off. At the supermarket, it is packaged in the same sized blocks as normal cheese (ie, cheese without knives with wine pulls, ridiculous secret Nazi bank accounts, and that pesky neutrality that no one trusts). If they are going to give you the same sized brick then they need to give you some little plugs or cheese balls to fill in the holes. I didn't by a package of swiss air packets, dammit. I want the extra cheese in a little bag attached to side. And speaking of little attached sacks with round things in them... ok well we probably shouldn't discuss that here, anyways I am sure it will return to a normal color and the rash will clear up shortly. (I'll wait while you get that mental picture out of there). Ok good enough well if I have picked on the cheese industry then I better not forget the meat people too. Well almost meat anyways, that's right Bologna, or how the people who can't spell (me) say it, BALONEY. Baloney is probably the worst lunch meat ever. Not only are it's origins questionable, but it excretes its own slime. yes much like a slug, a fully grown baloney sandwhich accomplishes movement by secreting a slime trail. And while we don't know what baloney really is, we can relate it to the hot dog pretty easily, (yes it seems that the bastard child of a certian Mr. Baloney, and some sort of female meat product hooked up one night in a drunken stupor. The outcome was terror, slimy slimy terror). so we can reasonably believe baloney has it's origins with the hot dog, some kind of over giganiticus bastard child which means the slices of Baloney are only part of a larger, hot dog shaped whole. Imagine a hugegantic hot dog made of Baloney slowly creeping across your walls on it's own slime trail, that's right, baloney can defy gravity if it wants (gravity is totally grossed out and refuses to assert it's self). so next time you are about to bite into a rip-off and gigantic slimy hot dog slice sandwhich, take a minute and consider your alternatives (it's summer and there are a lot of excess children on the street, some catholic families might not even notice a few missing, delicious delicious children meat)