Good News!
that's right kids I am back and slightly more angry then ever. When I say kids I am speaking to the 30 or so Cambodians I have adopted. Yeah that's right I own them. And they do my bidding. But anyways,I am going to ask you all a question. When did we stop using the word ask and adopt it's bastardized cousin,axe. No not the chopping tool using in lumber jackery or bad horror movies, the verb meaning to inquire. (apparently derived from the Greek axues; or way to sound retarded) SO everyone let me axe you another question. LET ME, please. Don't make me beg, OK FINE, god friggin idiot, PLEASE LET ME AXE YOU A QUESTION, pretty pretty please with a cherry on top, ... ....Yes with sprinkles, what kinda monster do you take me for. Why do people call sprinkles jimmies. I have a Jimmy for a roommate, and while I cannot comment on his taste, I know for a fact he is not a minute cylinder of compressed high fructose corn syrup. If we want to call them Jimmies, we need to make them look like a person. And while we are talking about food shaped like things I have a problem with one of America's favorite snacks. GOLDFISHES. I saw goldfishes that were smiling the other day. What do they have to be so happy about. If someone put my ass in a foil and paper bag with 1,000 of my closest friends and left us there for a month, I wouldn't be happy at all. Even after they are free they have nothing to smile about, they are just separated into smaller groups and put into plastic bags and then are slowly devoured/smashified by the Toddler sitting next to you in church. Yeah keep smiling as you become a smearing of orange dust across the pew. Optimistic cracker bastards.