Again with the Anger

Just wanted to issue some threats to somethings that are making me upset recently. First off Face book and My Space, watch your step. First off for the facebook, if you were too cool to talk to me in high school, I will not be your friend, also seeing me on campus or a passing "hey" doesn't constitute us being chums. And as for you My Space, I just don't even understand what it is that makes you tick. I got a chunk of you, but don't really know what to do now, apparently I can scour the internet for other people so I can add them to a list of friends who I never talk to but I don't know if that is on my priority list. Nope, I just checked said list and that isn't on there, but my car's inspection sure is, and that is another thing I hate. I understand that yearly inspections are an important part of keeping the roads safe by eliminating problems before they cause accidents on the road, but come on where is the fun in that, I think you should be able to skip as many inspections as you like, but if you cause an accident then your fines are multiplied by the years since your last inspection. Say your car hasn't had it's yearly physical for 4 years, then when it blows all it's vaulves and crashes headlong into the semi in the next lane, you simply multiply the fine total (lets just say $500) by the years since last inspection in this case 4, ($2000, whoo hoo go state governemnt). Also by the same token, you have to devide a speeding ticket by that number cause lets face it, if you haven't gotten that beast checked out in 4 years it's a miracle you got it up to 90 without the engine just solidifying. And speaking of solidifying my last gripe has to do with something getting hard. Uhm lets go back for a second and try that one agian. And speaking of solidifying my last gripe has to do with something going rigid. well it's a little better. I recently recieved play doh and have been enjoying it a lot for the past week or so, unfortunately I let it sit out the other day and had to perform surgery to remove all the hard chunks from the still viable doh. It takes a long time to sift through a can of play doh to get all the little crusty pieces out and that made me think that maybe the people at play doh should focus less on a new system to extrude that doh in odd shapes and re-work the original recipe to make it last a little longer before becoming Play-Bric. By the way the original recipe is to serve room temperature with a side of paste and a dry white wine. anyways that's the rundown of what has been irritating me the most lately.

V-DAY

OH yeah that's right its one of my favorite days of the year. Uhm you might want to step back that one was oozing sarcasim, I heard it can really fuck up your shoes if it gets on there. No one wants slightly melted pumas. Anyways this year I am not going to complain about the injustice, or bitch about the lonliness that drives many americans do go crazy, why not, because this time I am not alone for the 6th worst holiday of the year. But if you are alone you can always go check out the old page and take a gander at old Jon's feelings toward the so called day of love. www.theonetruejon.blogspot.com is probably still opperational, but you might have to clean off some spider webs and remember I was a bit angrier back in those days, so don't judge me. No this year I just wanted to relate the utter ridiculousness that was walmart today. I had to go out and get an something I forgot to pick up for dinner tonight, and when I arrived I saw a sight of all consuming chaos and carnage. Litterally where there had been flowers now just stood ripped petals and overturned buckets of questionable water. Very few cards remained as I walked down an isle of shredded pink evelopes. The candy section was probably the best though. I think everything but the sugar free candy was almost gone. All except for the gross things of course , black liquirice, dark chocolate, white chocolate, things with pecans, good and plenties. I saw an entire empty display of pop rocks that I know for a fact had been full 2 days ago. Nothing says I love you like pop rocks mind you. The people of Western PA must be into some seriously kinky shit to consume that many poprocks. but the icing on all the destruction was a desimated Russle Stover box that bore a huge foot print of a war wound. Taking in the scene reminded me of seeing pictures of the trenches after a WWI battle. It was ugly, and I am glad to say I wasn't there. Well anyways just wanted to wish everyone a Happy V-Day

Dick "trigger happy" Cheney

That's right our beloved Vice President has done something so ridiculous you couldn't have imagined it if you tried really really hard. No it's not a 30th heart attack, and no it has nothing to do with oil companies, but it does deal with a shotgun and a politician from texas. Wow what a great way to describe it. No before my leftist readers get excited it wasn't President Bush, and he didn't kill the man. Mr. Whittington, (very distingished sounding, maybe I should say Harrumph in front of it. ) Mr. Harrumph Whittington came up behind Cheney and a fellow hunter without calling out or singnalling. And when a group of quail were flushed Cheney fired at a bird and peppered Mr. Harrumph Whittington. Not cracked red peppered or even Cheyenne peppered, just gave him a few pellets from the game load cartrage he fired. These few pellets found their way into Mr. Harrumph Whittington right cheek, neck, and chest. Here's the best part, he immediately taken to the hospital by the on call ambulance that follows the vice president. HE HAS AN ON CALL AMBULANCE! I want that so bad. how can a person get an on call ambulance short of starting their own community. Well it's not caused he saved up all his chuck-e-cheese tickets and that was on the wall of prizes. No aparently the 8 or 25 heart attacks warrents your own first response team ready to roll your lard ass onto a gurney and administer a shock from those badass defibulator paddles. Anyways Mr. Harrumph Whittington is in stable condition and will be out of the hospital soon. Cheney an avid hunter is now considering giving up the hunting of quial as he has now been reported to have developed a taste for the most DANGEROUS GAME. It is also reported to have bought a small island off the coast of mexico where he can stock it with only the finest people for his hunts, the island will be called, Definately-nothing-illegal-going-on-here island. Unfortunately that last piece of information was reported by me. on this site. So you might want to question the validity of that last bit.

Hrubbberneckers

I think if there is any group of people who needs to be shot out into the sun and never heard from again it's definately rubberneckers. Yeah that's right, if you are that interested in a persons misfortune that you need to tie up traffic even more, then you deserve the bright hot searing doom that is a crash landing into our solar central. Today on the parkway I was traveling in-bound, (pay attention this is important later, and there might be a quiz) and on the radio I heard about an accident on the outbound side before the tunnel. That's right I am talking about the infamous Squirrel Hill Tunnels. I am used to a certian amount of traffic near the tunnels but as I cleared the last exit preceeding them, I saw a sea of glittering brake lights stretching all the way to the tunnel itself. I thought I must have heard them wrong on the radio and the accident must be on the inbound side after all. 20 minutes and a mile and a half later I entered the tunnel without seeing any sign of an accident. When I emerged I saw the "accident" on the OUTBOUND side. I say "accident" because it's fun to use quotes and it there were 3 cars that had rear ended one another. 2 were drivable and 1 was being towed. Yet somehow traffic on my side, inbound, was moving at a trickle because everyone had to see one car getting towed. HOLY CRAP A TOW TRUCK! that is amazing. look it's going to move that other car. MAN this is the best day ever. the only thing you would be looking for is if to see if someone was hurt. And I imagine if it's on the radio, your not going to be the first responder to the scene, so keep driving. SO to sum it all up, just becuase some people have a preoccupation with the need to see blood and human tragedy whenever possible, I am late to class. So to make their first and final trip to the sun more enjoyable we will be playing "Red Asphault" as the inflight movie and their shuttle will be proceeded by a car, so they can watch one last accident.

Here's the quiz

Which way was Jon traveling?
A Inbound
B Outbound
C gagged and bound

What do people who rubberneck deserve
A a one way ticket to antartica
B the fist o fury
C a crash landing into our sun

What is Jon's favorite color
A Green
B Clear
C The color purple

If Jon were an animal he would be
A puma
B Penguin
C Mountain Goat with super sonic hearing

If jon were to die tomorrow he would want what done with his body
A Cremation
B Donation to science
C Cryogenically frozen until 2229 when he can assend to his robotic body and lead the last remaining armies of earth to victory across the galaxy.

Bonus. Short answer
If you were an ocean which one would you be and why. (Point taken off for the use of the word Indian Ocean instead of Native American Ocean.)