Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Reviewing of the play

I want to look back on another past blog and add a little update. This blog is a classic. One of my personal favorites and a definitive benchmark of our times. Well it made me laugh so screw the rest of you. Its the good ole sex tape blog. I was thinking more about this the other day and decided that maybe I shouldn't have spoken so harshly against the sex tapes. Possibly Recorded Fornication has its merits (other then blackmail, delicious delicious blackmail) Maybe the tapes could be used like films from football teams. It is customary for teams to exchange film a week before the game to see what the other team has to offer. I think this could be a useful tool in the bedroom arena too (possibly kitchen stadium, backseat superdome, or even the Airplane Bathroom Memorial Park. Also I said tool in that sentence) Seeing film on a partner before hand could help you prepare for the unexpected. Lets face it some people make funny faces (clown make up is just wrong) do odd things, make funny noises, or have strange scars in the shape of 19th century vice presidents. Going in knowing this would save a lot of embarrassing questions. (like I didn't know you had a third nipple, or a sixth nipple, How exactly did you get a burn there, and my personal favorite Do you think it will grow back?) Now when you make the tape you would really want to be putting out your A game. So even if your first time with a new partner is a little under par you could point to the tape and say you were having an off week and after another week of practice you would bring a whole different team. Well just keep these arguments in mind if you are planning to make a sex tape. And feel free to send an advanced copy to Jonathan Hawkins. All proceeds from the sale of your private tape will go to Jonathan Hawkins, or the Jon Hawkins general awesomeness scholarship fund.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Gentlemen BEHOLD! Again

I am fairly sure I have spoken on the power of cheese before, but now I am ready to sing it's praises once again. Cheese has the amazing binding powers (not only of the colon, but it can bind other good foods together.) But the other day I was contemplating the amazing power of cheese to make normally inedible foods, well positively eatable. For example French Onion Soup. Basically sour water and old onions, possibly with a chunk of ancient bread floating in it. Yum. To make it edible you just need an inch of melted cheese on top. In this instance the cheese acts as a buffer between your mouth and old onion water. Also Nachos are junk without cheese. OHHHH boy, warm tortilla chips, sign me up (www.warmtortillachiplover.com, the photo gallery is definitely worth a look.)