Thanksgiving in a Pot

Here is another quick recipie for everyone to try. Just a warning before we get started, this meal tastes delicious, but may be extremely harmful to your health. Do not consume massive quantities, or you will definately suffer the consequences. Thanksgiving in a Pot is not for people with Heart Conditions, a history of strokes, the elderly, those who are pregnant, or might become pregnant during the meal.
This dish is fairly simple. First you will need leftovers from thanksgiving: turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, corn, and gravy) Then you should secure a large can of baked beans. The more different varieties of cheese you have the better. I recomend American, Pepper Jack, and Cheddar. That is all you need.

Empty the can of beans into the pot, nasty juices and all, then stir in turkey and the more starchy of the leftovers (mashed potatos, stuffing), next add the vegtables, and then start shedding the cheese. Add the torn up cheese, and then stir in the gravy. Heat it on Medium heat for about 10 minutes, letting it all mix together and allow the cheese to complete melt. Remove from the stove, and let congeal for 5 minutes, serve in large bowls. Feeds 2. maybe.

1st Ever Super Happy Fatal Ice Slide of Death (Which can murder you till you die, or mortally would you to your deceasement)

First off, what a title. If nothing else that follows is worth anything it's ok to me because I really like that tittle. I will try my best to do it justice.
I got home and spent most of my break with my best friend Dwight Decker. His middle initial was clinically proven to add too much awesomeness to his name and therefore has been removed until further notification by the Surgeon General. It's A. Anyways I want to focus on a key event of that break with the explanation of that fantastic title you can find at the top of the page. At the Dwights house, (also known as the Deckers Lair) some one left a tub out on the side of the house. This tub in anticipation for our arrival this past weekend has been filling itself with rain water and then freezing when the temperature gets low enough. Apon seeing this frozen tub we decided that we needed to use the gaint ice chunk in a ridiculous manor. We thought that is removed from the tub the ice would definately slide down a hill, possibly holding a rider at the same time. Early on Saturday morning I set about smashing the ice chunk out of the tub. When it was all said and done the chunk turned out to be more of a disk. I will try to show the demensions down here.
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/______________\ 4" thick X 2' wide
Anyways we took a really rugged dolly, (it had 4 wheels, 2 of which were like all-terrian dolly tires. Just incase you needed to deliver a fridge, to the top of Mount McKinley.) and loaded up the ice block and carried up the hill to a little side street with less traffic but a really steep decline. Unfortunately for us the top section of the hill wasn't steep enough for the ice to slide right, but after a few attempts we found that the 2nd half was perfect for the slide. Sitting on a gaint slice of ice we would slide down the hill and then crash into the intersection and tumble off into the cinders or the manhole cover. Mr. Decker had the only completely sucessful ride as he was untossable. But the dolly would prove it's worth again by making a makeshift bobsled for us. For fear of traffic we stayed on the side street, but we could have easily made it to Steelton on that monster dolly. Knowing now what we knew then, and then knowing what we now know we know we know a lot more this time, you know. We are working on designs for a newer stronger faster better more gooder chunk of ice to slide down streets next year. If you have any ideas please leave them as comments.

Ragaholic

I think I have become a ragaholic. No I am not addicted to Rageahol like some of you think. It's not that I am never happy, but I would say I have about 10% of my day angry. 10% you say, I bet your thinking that's not a lot. (also your thinking I used the "%" because I can't spell persent. and you are right) Well it is when you think that like 30% is sleeping, another 20% is spent in classes or doing work. 7% is eating, no comments on that one or some one is getting throttled. (what a quality threat). 6% is spent on personal upkeep. Yeah that's right I do bath. You can only imagine how bad I would look if I cut that time down. (So where are we, like a lot of %'s, ok, hold on, let me Math a little. Yeah math is a verb. ok 70 some of these jobbers "%".) Another 10% is spent socializing and general interactions with others. 15% of my day goes to the Air Force. (I am currently not permitted to comment on the ridiculousness of that number) and the last 5% of my day is spent, well you know. that special time at night when I close my door. I like to read you sick bastards. GOSH. Now for all you math wizards out there I know you got a number more than 100% probably something along the lines of 103%. And I am sure someone is going to say to them selves, "Self, it's not really possible to have 103% of a day. Also self, that freckle on our ass is really starting to worry us. We should remember to get that looked at." And if that person (upon return from their visit to a lisenced physician who reassured them that it was just a freckle and not some cancerous sore poised to unleash wave after wave of booty cancer into them) would comment on my math to me I would explain to them that ridiculous numbers are what I am hoping to get a few laughs from. Where did this all start? oh yeah it's up there at the top of the page. Shit I got sidetracked, man I get really pissed when I get sidetracked. Dammit now I am going to have to add to the angry number. and that means more math and more of these % things floating around. Dammit now I'm too pissed to finish this. I'm out

HAPPY TURKEY SLAUGHTER DAY. Remember millions of birds were murdered for your dinner. Enjoy, I know I will.

I couldn't find a depressing enough quote

I have noticed something. yeah that's a sentence. Subject (that's the I) and the predicate (the rest of those words). I have noticed people clearly mis-use the away message. I think it's purpose is to let other people know where you are and when you will be back, if at all. Too many people are now putting up songs (ok I do this sometimes, but only on occasions so ridiculous you wouldn't believe me if I told you where I was.) or write the most saddest and depressing things. (almost as depressing as my grasp of the english language in that last statement.) Seriously if you are mad at some one or they are making you upset, tell them. this underhanded little message crap ain't really doing it. I think those depressing messages kinda force the other people to ask you what's wrong. That is why for the most part I just respond ridiculously to them. Like if it says something along the lines of "Too sad to sleep" I like to write back, "There's always nightquil". Or I got this one the other day "You don't know what you do to me" ; a great response to that one is "Yes we do, it's fun for everyone, well maybe not YOU". This may make me an unfeeling asshole, but, well it does make me an unfeeling asshole. And that's cool because I shouldn't have to feel for you over the internet just cause you aren't happy. On the opposite side of the away message spectrum (the spectrum actually vibrates somewhere between Ultra Violet and MegaUber Violet. ) you have the overly excited persons with messages littered with smiley faces. I am kinda miffed at the whole smiley thing to begin with. If the person you are talking to can't figure out if you are happy or sad with out some little animated dot going buck wild then they are the unfeeling asshole. Wait I am the unfeeling asshole. Ok they can be the socially numb colon. that's some quality name makery right there. I would like to set a limit to Smileys per message. I think AIM shouldn't let people put more then 1 smiley per every 3 lines of text. Also while we are at it, lets please limit our use of exclamation points. To me, 1 of those little buggers means I am yelling it. When you go upwards of 3 then you have crossed the line from loud to threshold of pain. If you want to stress something, use the underline, but don't make your sentence look as if it is emerging from a forest of excalamation points.
Holy shit it is scary in that forest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyways please stop the thinly veiled attacks on one another as well. If you're pissed, then get mad, don't just leave a poorly thought out away message up and then just hide behind it to see what the other person writes. Those are messages I like to respond to as well. Ridiculously as possible. (<--- Not a sentence)

ICE CRACK

Here in good ole Westmoreland Hall Room 102 instant ice tea is a staple in our diet. Not an actual metal staple, I can't imagine that would have a very high nutritional value. But the normal ice tea isn't enough for us, hell no. We needed something stronger, something that if left in the bottom of a cup would eat it's way through and lay bubbling on the carpet. And becacuse of this and the fact that I am too slow to read the container correctly, I almost doubled the intended amount of mix to one gallon of tea. Thus Ice crack was born. well not really born, that implies that I was the father of it and I am in no position to support any dependants, more like thus ice crack was mixed (yeah that should keep me safe during the custody battles and child support suits of the next 10 years) . But just so you at home can form a complete picture in your minds, this stuff is more potent then coffee, it will keep you up all night, and it's addictive as hell. It's almost medically imposible to drink more than half a cup in an hour, and the last couple of swigs at the bottom of the jug are almost chewable. This would be the drink of the gods, but it makes me jittery. If you ever want to try some just stop by 102 and demand your cup of crack but remember you were warned.

Theory of Change Reproduction

Some one the other day asked why I had an assload (actually equivelent to 1/4 of a shitfukc, also equal to 2 hooplas, or 8 slews) of pennies through out the crevices, nooks, and crannies of the nonnamed mobile. You may think that this was because I have no organizational skills and just allow the change to fall as it may throughout the unnamed autocar, but you are wrong, dead wrong, and if you're not careful, maybe just dead. I have a theory that multitudes of pennies, unwatched for an extended period of time will eventually evolve into several nickles, and when these nickles are mixed with other nickles from different areas, then eventually dimes will be formed. This also applies to quarters, but that is where my research ends because at that point I harvest the highest evolved form and place it in receptacles that allow me to park. some people say this theory is complete crap and you can asume that nickles and dimes just get mixed in with the pennies. I say to these people, OK, because I don't really know that much about sciences and therorisimissm (<-- This is a product of my theory of word break down, where it's not the commonly believed fact that I can't spell, but more of a failure of my brain to connect correctly to the fingers that do the typing.)

Let me mispel it out for you

I hate stupid drunk people. To me the drunker you are the stupider you are. (yes I know it's more stupid, but just refer your gramatically correct asses up to the title) Learn your limits people. If you go out and get sick everytime you drink, either A) you have an allergic reaction to alcohol, B) you don't know your limits, or C) you're 11 years old. and if it's that last choice then some one needs to be watching the door at those parties. If it's A, then sorry your screwed, try something else to get you messed up, (No I am not encouraging the use of illegal drugs, I was simply refering to safer non illegal methods like getting high on life.) If it's B, and it normally is, then you need to STOP DRINKING SO MUCH, it's really not that hard, instead of drinking as much as you can, say lets try drinking a few less than that. Instead of drinking till you vomit or the room starts spinning how about... hmmmm.... NOT DOING THAT. There is no such thing as puke and rally, it should be called puke, feel slightly better for a little while, then puke some more later. Also if you are drunk do not get on the internet. If you can't form basic sentences while talking you are going to have some serious issues typing them. And just use me for an example, I am sober as hell and I still can't not untype good. So in closing remember Learn from your own mistakes, if you're hugging the toilet in the morning then you fucked up last night.

Adventure

The cold and crisp silence of the late fall night was only broken by the tolling of a single bell. One o'clock. The moon that hung low in the sky, it's curving peak just visible over the forested mountains surrounding Greensburg PA, shone down as 6 men emerged from a brightly lit hall. As they strode purposefully across the commons their talk turned to adventure, and before they could reach the warm inviting beds of their homes, each one was filled with something akin to wanderlust. Qucikly they made ready for their journey. Plans were laid and courses were plotted. The half dozen set out from the safety of Greensburg and ventured forward into the the untamed lands of the west. Yes I speak of the most flat and boring Ohio. The incidious levelness that plauges the midwest stems right from the one place we were forced to go, Ohio. We gathered provisions of Coffee and Gasoline at the local sheets and at made our first strides toward our goal at 1:30 in the morning. An hour of travel saw us to the border of our hated enemy, and if it was not for the amazing wonders we seeked there, surely we would have turned back. But with great reluctance we crossed that faithful plain and as the mountians of our homeland faded in the mirrors we knew there was no turning back. Another hour later we were poised at the edge of Akron Ohio. Yes, our destination lie within the infamous Akron Ohio. We quickly exited and made for our goal with the utmost of haste. And there it was like a beacon to hope and truth, the fruit of our toils, the ultimate goal, a small spot of awesomeness and excitment in the blank slate of oppression that is Ohio, The White Castle shone far into the night. Our joy was beyond bounds as we desimated rank after rank of tiny meat patties trapped between miniscule buns. Long into the morning did our revels go. A rukus the likes of which ohio rarely sees. But soon, the weariness of our flesh soon came to light and we realized we all longed for home. With a myriad of spent burger casings clustered now empty in the brimming trashcans, we drove solemnly into the untamed flatness of Ohio. The next hour was the most trying of our journey. The need for sleep was paramount in everyone's mind but we could recieve no rest until we cleared Ohio and returned to our fatherland. As the miles ticked down, we saw shining in the distance a sign proudly proclaiming "Welcome to Pennslyvannia". A new vigor was renewed within the party as we strove hard towards home. Another hour would pass and we finally reached the safe confines of Greensburg once again. We stood stiffly in the parking lot; stretching our tired limbs. And as the sun burst through the pre dawn mists, sending its warm glowing rays down apon us, we all felt sick because the onions on white castle burgers are really greasy.

Mandatory STD

First off, I heard that there is a movement to call STD's, STI's now, because the word infection is better then desease. It seems to me that most people who have an STD weren't considering their genitals feelings when the got it, so why do I have to worry about offending them by saying they have a disease. But my thought process as always marched forward across the borders of sanity and into the realm of ridiculousness. Having an STD or STI is a huge deterant to having unprotected sex. I think we can all agree, the idea of reliving a terrible feeling of fire every time you urinate is enough to make you want to wrap that shit up. But what about the kids who are just starting their sexual careers, the rookies if you will, I have developed a program where apon reaching puberty they are infected with a curable, but terrible STD just to make sure they are careful when they are ready to do the horizontal slide. We then let them enjoy it for a month and then fix them up. I am not talking anything serious or deadly, and no viruses, just a quick dose of the clap or the Sif to make sure they get the point.