Monday, March 13, 2006

Jon Vs The Sun, (a little hint, the sun wins)

There is pieces of my face in all of the states from here to Florida. I fought the sun, and the sun won. Actually the sun owned me. Really though the sun took advantage of one of my secret weaknesses. My use of sun tan oil. Not only does it make you tan, but also scorches the skin off of your bones. (the other weaknesses are Rabid Wombats, Excessive amounts of penguins, and Tomato soup) I realize telling you my weaknesses isn't really that great of an idea, but I don't think any of my arch enemies read this anymore. (that's right Bizzaro-Jon I know you stopped coming here). Anyways the reason I used the oil is simple, We were having a gun show. and as you all know, guns need to be properly oiled if they are going to work right. and I surely didn't want an accidental discharge to get some one on the beach, so I oiled up the guns, and you can't stop there so I did my face and back. This oil doesn't actually make you tanner, but calls the sun closer. This made the sun come from Florida's normal 5 ft away to about 16" off of my skin. And that was a problem. Well that wasn't actually the problem, the real problem was the reddness (I was emitting heat and a stunning Magenta glow), and when that stopped, the blisters. This is where I made my next mistake. I popped every blister I could get too, which was convient because there were tons on my face and shoulders, it was like bubble wrap but with my skin, and slightly more gooey. Anyways open blisters aren't really that much fun so I took the skin off, and then I had open wounds. WHOOPS. I really should have though about the logical progression in that one. Well now I have some open sores which are healing nicely, but my skin started flaking off. (kinda like bran flakes but not as good with milk) this is where I lost my face. So if you have seen my face, please contact me and let me know. I am offering a 5 dollar reward for the person who finds atleast 30% of my face. ($5 bucks seem kinda like a rip off, but it wasn't that good of a face, and I think I will do better when I grow the next one.)

Jon Vs The Sun, (a little hint, the sun wins)