My Car's Name

Alright we need to discuss a very serious problem, I have had my current motor car for almost 4 months now and yet it remains nameless. This is unexceptable. Very simply it must change. Most of you will remember Shamus, the bbc (Barbie Beach Crusier), The red geo tracker that was my car throughout highschool. (god rest his carborator, he was quite the automobile) While odd and sometimes hard to spell his name went along with his own quarkiness and random ridicullitivity. And if you have known me for a really long time then you remember Shawn, the Ram Raider my father killed the same week I got my lisence. Shawn was an amazing car that took everything you could throw at it. But that is not the point, the point is my current car, the black 1996 plymouth breeze still has no name. It is female. And it is a bit odd, but still runs well and can get going pretty well. I was hoping that a few people could possibly suggest a few names for her. Matillda and Raven were the top two choices so far but neither of them want to stick very well. I am looking for anything from a nickname to serious title. She can't remain nameless for very much longer. Ok I can't back that up, but I am getting tired of calling it the breeze, so please send your names either as comments, or via the Aim. If you didn't know, my s/n is jphhh811
Furthermore, furthermore is a silly word.

Fixed it

Ok if you happened to read the previous post and see the comment (I can barely type the word, Because I am SO angry, that and I am functionally illiterate) that some fucktard left, then you probably also saw my angry one in return. Well I have taken action. I have tracked that person down and stomped all their toes flat, tripped their grandmothers, squashed their gerbils, moved their furniture and yelled really loudly at their children. Boy I wish that was the truth unfortunately all that I really did was put on one of those word verification McJiggers (An irish term dating back to Hagus McJigger and the Doohickey up rising of 1634) on my comments section. ALSO and this is important hence my use of big letters, I set it so that ANYONE can comment, so please, if you like what you see shoot me out a comment, and if not, keep your goddamn mouth shut cause no one asked you smart ass. Just kidding I don't mind a little constructive Critisizms (oh yeah that's how it's spelled) and the destructive kind is cool too.

Best night ever

Tonight I am preparing for quite possibly the best possible night for a college student, no it's not some wild party, and no, I am not going to inact my wildest fantasy (it's really hard to get that much jellybeans imported, and then keeping the penguins happy is just a logistical nightmare), and no, Ron Jeremy is not coming back to speak to us again. Tonight I am going to get SLEEP, real sleep, lots of glorious sleep, and at the appropriate time too, not the kind you get from 11:30 AM to 4:15PM that between the classes, I just need to shut my eyes real quick nap, and not that crap from 4AM when you drag yourself off to bed and don't get up until dinner time. This is going to be normal people sleeping hours, from 10 this evening till 5Am, ok so the get up time is kinda early, but that is 7 hours of unadulterated sleep. (By the way what is adulterated sleep like?) Many people will wonder how I plan to sleep like this, and I have a simple solution, And before most people start tossing words like Nightquil and enough liquor to drown a cow, I will have you know that those are not viable options tonight (although strongly considered). But Tylenol PM is, and it's also vanilla flavored, I don't really know why it's Vanilla flavored, but it was priced the same as the regular (non delicious) variety, so I figured why not indulge myself a little. And after I did that and they called security and there was a LOT of paperwork to be filled out, some charges like public nudity, indecnet exposure, and 3 lude acts, But what can you do other then pay the fines and move on. So now I am hoping that when I wake up in the morning instead of my mouth tasting terrible, it will taste... ok well probably still terrible, but with a hint of vanilla. So in closing, I hate my speach class, Vanilla is an awesome taste, and seaweed is the future so invest now.

Jive ass turkeys

While driving through downtown Pittsburgh there is a few things one expects to see, yes these include bums, pitt students almost getting hit by busses, people with bundles of clothes in their arms doing the walk of shame, But there are a few things I don't expect to see in south Oakland and one of those things is wild turkeys. Yeah just let that one settle in, and notice I said turkeyS because 1 wasn't enough, 3, wild ass turkey (they were very wild) just strutting down a back alley way looking for trouble. There was a huge male turkey (I believe the correct term is "pimp gobbla") and 2 of his female counter parts ("the breast meat" if you will, OH you won't? that is it we are fighting.) So what did I do when I encountered this half flock of turkeys, I did what any self respecting person would do and sped up, but instead of scattering they just stayed there, and because I think a turkey might actually do some damage to my grill I had to stop and let these feathery bastards strut along the street. I tried honking but the only response was for the male to stop and look at me, then he went right back to his leasurely pace crossing the alley. I think this is a sign from the gods, some crazy ass shit is going to go down, and i have a bad feelings it's going to involve 3 very badass turkeys.

Old Man eh?

Yeah well your mom is an old man.
Anyways well I do get old I am going to be sooooo super badass old that everyone will want me to be their grandparent. First off I am going to have HUGE gray Sideburns that connect with the ultra bushy gray mustache, like the old timey civil war general look. and i am going to smoke a pipe, in an over stuffed leather chair and say harrumph a lot. And I am going to tell my grand kids ri-goddamn-diculous war stories from wars I wasn't in. Like "Back when I was in Vietnam I had 200 confirmed kills on my first day there, and they only armed me with a spoon and four profilactives." (I appologize to the families of thoes 200 men, I admit condoms were never meant to do that.) Furthermore I am going to fall asleep anytime I damn well please, like in the middle of converstations, just drop off and start snoring really loudly. I want to have a den with animal heads all over the walls, but not like big game, just like squirells and chipmunks I shot around the neighborhood, possible some mice or song birds as well. and when I die, I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered some where rather close to my home, because from all that lying and terrible stories I might have pissed some people off and if I want my ashes in some ridiculous place they will probably just get mixed with kitty litter and used thusly.

Say what?

How loud does music have to be? seriosly I think we need to appoint a committee to take this under consideration. This topic has come up several times here on my first weekend back. For me it's been the Dipshit across the hall who apparntly is nearly deaf, because he has the music up so loud I can hear the words in the back room of the appartment, I counted and there are 6 walls between us. 6 walls is a lot of walls friends, you would think that 6 walls would have a decent amount of sound stopping power, and I would agree, so I have to say that the music on his side of the 6th wall is set at the REgoddamnDICULOUS level. When I asked his (Oh so Politely as I always do when I am angry) HEY, why the fuck is your music so loud? He responded, "I have Bose speakers" well congradulations feshie, you have a shitfuck of money tied up in speakers, but I can't imagine the sound quality can truely be appreciated when there is Blood coming from your ears. The next music volume people I have an issue with is the car stereo, it is TOO loud when you can't talk to the person in the passanger seat. When you have to scream as loud as you can to be heard of "Drop it like it's hot" then obviously you have been turning that volume knob the wrong way. ALSO, I don't want to want to be able to sing along with your music in your car while I am in mine. Granted I may just like what your playing, but if I really did, I WOULD PLAY IT IN MY CAR. And if one more car whose speakers are more expensive then the blue book value of that car rolls past me in the parking lot, then I am peeing in someones gas tank. The end