Friday, February 20, 2009

Super Powers

There are a couple of super powers that I want to discuss quickly that I think the major comic book companies have grossly overlooked. I think first off I would want the ability to cook anything in a microwave perfectly. I know it doesn't sound so great yet, but think about it, never burn popcorn again, never forget you had a fork in your bowl of man chow* and catch a whole lotta stuff on fire Again, and most importantly never accidentally press 13:00 minutes instead of 1:30 seconds, because that if you don't know folks is a huge difference in the microwave. I think that anything that spends more then 10 minutes in there is likely to come out either A. Glowing, B. Molten, or C. Deadly. Another little used super power would be the ability to grow and or retract hair very fast. This would come in handy quite a bit right now as it is ridiculously ass cold outside. Oh you gotta cold chin, POOF beard. Upper lip freezing? BAM mustache. Back of your neck cold, SKOFF, too bad asshole, no one wants to see you with a neck beard, shave it off like a grown up. But super heros need to have weaknesses or else its just kinda ridiculous, superman has kryptonite, Aquaman can only talk to fish, Spiderman is a wuss, and the Flash has a horrible hooker and meth habit. so what would be the microwave guys deal? duh, relative elevation, everyone knows that water boils differently at different elevations. Sadly without proper knowledge of the area microwave man will be helpless to scorched popcorn and other such malidays. but what about the hair growth guy? he has no weakness, facial hair is quite possibly the most powerful but useless force on the globe.