Old Man eh?

Yeah well your mom is an old man.
Anyways well I do get old I am going to be sooooo super badass old that everyone will want me to be their grandparent. First off I am going to have HUGE gray Sideburns that connect with the ultra bushy gray mustache, like the old timey civil war general look. and i am going to smoke a pipe, in an over stuffed leather chair and say harrumph a lot. And I am going to tell my grand kids ri-goddamn-diculous war stories from wars I wasn't in. Like "Back when I was in Vietnam I had 200 confirmed kills on my first day there, and they only armed me with a spoon and four profilactives." (I appologize to the families of thoes 200 men, I admit condoms were never meant to do that.) Furthermore I am going to fall asleep anytime I damn well please, like in the middle of converstations, just drop off and start snoring really loudly. I want to have a den with animal heads all over the walls, but not like big game, just like squirells and chipmunks I shot around the neighborhood, possible some mice or song birds as well. and when I die, I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered some where rather close to my home, because from all that lying and terrible stories I might have pissed some people off and if I want my ashes in some ridiculous place they will probably just get mixed with kitty litter and used thusly.