This blog has a disclamer.

If you are above the age of 13 (mentally), find the topic of poop offensive, consider yourself mature, or have chronic dermatosis; you may not want to contiue reading this blog. (If you have dermatosis, theres nothing this blog can do for you. Medicated Gold Bond Powder is your only hope)

With further ado I present the poop blog:

A blog so childish I actually wrote it in those thick crayons you got in kindergarden

A blog so smelly that if you have recently invented something to smell the internet with, you would have to turn it off, or at least down

A blog challengeing the length of my average readers patience with overblown introductions.

FURTHER ADO!

Now without further ado, here it is

Recently I took what could quite possibly be the best poop I have taken in a long time, It lasted about 15 pages (The quantum value of a poop is measured in the amount you can read) and yeilded quite an impressive load. But after I finished I had a large problem, I had seen the poop and it was good, but no one else had seen the poop, so you could all think I was just very sick and making this up. Well I am very sick, but this is a true poop. I needed a witness to this masterpiece of waste. I needed a friend good enough to have admire the poop and vouch for it, if the question arrises. I have such a freind, but he was 300 miles away, and while it looked like a good poop I wasn't letting it ferment for a few hours. I think we all need to look into our lives and find those special people who can be our waste witnesses.
Another important poop topic that I have been wondering about is what is the correct size for a stool sample. I have heard many comedians talking about making a urine sample at the doctor, but how much poop do you fork over. (wow, never say fork over in a poop blog) And for that matter how do they expect me to poop on command when I have trouble peeing when some one is whistling in the backround. Is it a take home test? And if it is does it include one of those aquarium nets to help with the extraction of the sample. (extraction out of the toilet bowl, god I all I ask for is a little maturity when talking about poop) And if you do take it home do you have to keep it cold or does shit keep? Now I am wondering the shelf life of a turd, (consider that it is already as bad as it's going to get, also don't put poop on shelves, it's not good for decorating and it won't match your carpet, unless....)
At work the other day I went to use the bathroom and was shocked to find someones shit stewing in the bowl. I know sometimes I forget to flush, but have the common curtesy to do it in a public place. We are not all your poop wittnessing buddies. If I go into a public bathroom and find some floaters and sinkers, I specificly don't wittness it, because that pooper is not the kind of person I want to vouch for later. I look the other way and kick the flusher. But this forgotten poop made me wonder who was pooping at the plant. We only have one bathroom with one toilet, and from what I distictly tried not to witness that was at least a 2 chapter dump. I don't know about the rest of the world, but I don't like pooping at work. People are knocking on the door, asking you questions, trying to get you to buy girl scout cookies for their kids. I need some piece and quiet when I drop to kosby kids. I want to have a good book, maybe a drink of water, and turn up the shower to create the Steamy poop. The excuse is to let the shower heat up, but I think it makes the most relaxing bowel situation this side of the brown note.
And last and certainly least I want to thank anyone who made it this far and is still trying to laugh, thank you for being able to think poop is funny like I do